Nursery Musings

Dear Taylor,

This past weekend, I finally decided that I needed to get something done with the nursery.  I had been putting it off because I was scared.  Scared that I would lose your little sister just like I lost you.  I really didn't want to lose her and come home to a decorated nursery.  In someway, I let myself think that if I didn't paint the nursery, I wouldn't be so attached........ Definitely not true! So on Thursday, I decided that the ugly office that should have been painted for you really needed to be painted for your little sister.  I worked on it for the last few days and I'm glad to say it's done!

I started painting and after about 5 minutes, I was absolutely enraged.  Like, shaking.  I don't know that I've been that mad for a very long time.  I was mad that I was having to do this. We should have painted your room a long time ago and you should be in there, not in heaven. Then I found myself in tears thinking about what would have been............You would have been right around the 3 month mark today.

Then I reminded myself that what would have been and what are aren't the same thing, even though I wish they were.  No matter how much hoping I do, it won't change the outcome.  Know that I love you and miss you very much and keep watching over your little sister!

Love always,

Mom

IT'S A GIRL!!!

Baby Reineke

It's so hard to explain our level of excitement!  Our ultrasound went much better than I expected.  Baby looks healthy, is growing well, and is moving around a lot!  The only thing about our appointment that worries me is that she's measuring a week ahead AND she's in the 90th percentile for size!  Our doctor estimated a 9lb baby at birth! That kinda scares me!!

Finding out that our little one is a girl was such a special moment!  I'm pretty sure my heart swelled with love.  Since our appointment, I can't stop looking at little pink clothes!  I've also picked up paint for the nursery and am just itching to start getting it ready for our little girl!  

Names are another thing completely!  Mitch & I had decided on a boy's name before our ultrasound but haven't been able to agree on a girl's name at all.  Everything he suggests just doesn't sound right to me and what I suggest he isn't fond of, so we're still in the brain-storming phase.  Hopefully we'll be able to agree on a few before our baby girl decides to arrive! 

Forever Changing

Our lives are always changing......After today, our lives will be changed in a major way.  We have our 20 week ultrasound today.  You know, the MAJOR ultrasound when the doctor checks to make sure your baby is developing properly, is growing like it should, is on the right track, and where you can find out the sex!!!

I've heard lots of people's opinions on whether we should find out or not (most of them against my will).  It amazes me that so many people will tell you their opinions and expect it to change your mind.  When we were pregnant with Taylor, Mitch wanted to find out the sex.......and I did not.  This time around, I want to know.  My reasoning is that if something were to happen, I want to have all the 'bonding' time that I can and I want to know my baby more.  I know that it sounds silly, but this time around I'm worried about these things.

I know that in a matter of a month, we could safely have our little one in a major hospital and things would be okay, but I'm still worried.  The people close to me get my reasoning, but everyone else just thinks we're crazy for wanting to find out.  'It's the most magical thing to give birth to your child and look down to see him/her'.  I've heard versions of that phrase for the last 2 months!

I say that finding out what you're having is a magical moment, whether it happens during your pregnancy or after birth.  Either way, it will be a day you remember forever!!  Right not, I'm just praying our little one isn't as stubborn as me and will actually let the doctor see!!!!!

Awaiting our Ultrasound!

On Wednesday, we have our 20-week ultrasound!!!  I'm so excited and nervous at the same time.  I can't believe we've made it to the 19 week mark and will soon find out if we're having a little boy or girl!! Yes, we're finding out.  I think everyone who knows we're pregnant has asked us if we're going to find out or not.

Everyone seems to have their own opinion as to whether people should find out or not.  I've been told that it's the most magical thing to find out right after birth.  My thoughts are that it's a special, magical time whether you find out during pregnancy or after birth.  Either way it changes your life.

I really want to find out because I'm a planner.  My sister-in-law has saved almost everything from her 3 kids to hand down to me, so we have boys & girls clothes, toys, bedding, etc.  I really want to be able to bring our little one home to a completed nursery and not have to put clothes in drawers when all I really want to do is get a 15 minute nap in.

The other reason I want to find out, is because I'm still nervous.  If something were to happen, I really want to be able to bond with our little one more.  It scares the crap out of me to even think about this option, but after the miscarriage I can't help but think about it.

Also, one of my friends from high school was 4-5 weeks ahead of me and she delivered.  It just made me think a little more.  Things look good so far for her little one since she was over 24 weeks along, but the possibility scares me.  It seems horrible, but while I'm prayer for her and her little one, I'm also praying that I don't EVER have to experience that.  It seems horrible to say, but I know that it's true.

I'm also nervous for our upcoming ultrasound because of all the medicine I took before I knew I was pregnant.  I'm hoping baby was not affected and development went normally.  I had my wisdom teeth out just right after we would have conceived and it makes me really nervous.  Our OB wasn't too worried, but that still doesn't stop me from worrying.

Our OB is out on maternity leave, so we actually have a different doctor for our ultrasound.  I'm not too nervous about that because Dr. Jurgenson assured us that he was the best for ultrasounds.  She actually told us we lucked out that she'd be gone!  She's had a few miscarriages, so she is sympathetic and understands all our worrying.  She said that if something is wrong, the doctor we have while she is out will be the best!

I guess that's all for the updating on all my worrying. :)