Getting close to my could-have-been due date.....

As July 31st gets closer, my wound seems to get just a little more salt rubbed in it.  I really thought my healing journey was going well, but the last couple days have been very hard. It's really hard to find a happy-medium between my joy for the new life growing inside of me and the sorrow I feel for my first pregnancy, Taylor.  It's hard to believe that if I hadn't had a miscarriage I would have been 38.5 weeks along now.  We would be welcoming a baby to our family very soon.  Instead, we're starting this whole process over!

It's really a bittersweet time in my life.  I'm missing one child horribly and praying that everything goes right with another.  Maybe it's my hormones, but it's been really hard. 

Everyday in some small way 
Memories of you come our way. 
Though absent, you are always near 
Still missed, loved and always dear.

Love and miss you Taylor!

First Appointment is Quickly Approaching

I can't believe how fast this last 3 1/2 weeks have flown by! In a measly two days we get to see our little bean by ultrasound!!!  While I'm very excited for our first appointment, I'm also very worried.  I'm worried about things being the same as the last time around.  As positive as I've been the past 4 weeks, I still have lots of doubt.  I know that it can happen again and that scares me.

I did wake up feeling very relieved and assured the other day though.  I had the oddest dream that brought me some peace internally.  (I know this is going to sound super weird, but pregnancy dreams often are!)  I had gone to the doctor (for what I'm not really sure).  She was listening to my heart with her stethoscope and for some odd reason moved it down to my stomach.  She said she could hear a heartbeat going strong at 152!  I started bawling and was so very excited!!! Then I woke up.

I've been praying that my appointment leaves me in happy tears like the appointment in my dream did!!