While it seems like life is looking up, I'm constantly just waiting for the other shoe to drop. How did so many things go wrong in our lives 9 months ago and now it's smooth sailing. I think that's why I've been procrastinating on cleaning out our office (future nursery). I don't think I could face coming home to a completed nursery without a baby to put in it.
That's what I'm most scared of. With Taylor, I didn't have anything to remind me of him/her. Some days that really hurt, but the more I think about it maybe it was best. I can't imagine having to pack up a nursery or decide what to do with that room. At the moment, I have a bunch of totes of baby clothes that wouldn't be too hard to store and family members could come get if something happened. But what would I do with a painted, decorated nursery filled with a crib, changing table, dresser, glider, baby clothes, baby toys, books, and decor???? I can't imagine having to look at that every day. I had a hard enough time when we were painting our house, knowing that we should have been painting that room for Taylor, not an office space.
Mitch keeps reminding me that we have time. We are only 15 weeks. He keeps telling me, 'Not everything needs to be done right now!' Some people don't even start on the nursery until they're 30 weeks along. Part of me wants to start now, because I'm excited for this new life. The other part of me is cautious and doesn't want to get ahead of myself.
When we got the news about Taylor, it completely blind-sided us. I guess I'm just waiting to see if we get blind-sided again. I know that I shouldn't be SO cautious, but it's hard not to be.
"Our hearts still ache with sadness,
And Secret tears still flow,
Was it meant to lose you,
No one can ever know."
~author unknown
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