7.31.11 - My Due Date

Mommy's Arms Are Empty

Today is the due date

For you to be born.

But all I have is

An emptiness to mourn.

This should have been the time

For the anticipation of your arrival.

But no one seems to be remembering

To share in my grief or sorrow.

You were a life

Created from love.

You were a gift

That was sent from above.

There isn't a day that goes by

When I haven't thought of you.

Calculating how far along my pregnancy would be

Or how big my tummy would be getting, too.

I know that you have gone

To a much better place.

Knowing that the grace of God

Is shining on your face.

I see another baby.

I think of you then, too.

Wondering what you'd have looked like

As you giggle, cry, and coo.

But I will never know these things

Because you will never be here.

But in my heart you'll always be

My baby, my angel, my dear.

It doesn't make it easier.

For the pain I have is still here.

I will never forget you, my little one.

That fact remains quite clear.

Taylor, 

Instead of holding you in my arms, getting ready to bring you home, or getting ready to go to the hospital, my arms are empty and my heart is aching.  It's been really tough.  I can't think of anything I've wanted more and anyone I've loved more.  Even though you were only with me for a short time, when I lost you I lost a part of me. You will always be a part of me and I will always feel like a part of me is missing. 


I think of you everyday and wonder what could have been.  It's been so hard seeing other pregnant women and little newborns, knowing that I'm missing out on that. I want so much to just know that you're okay.  In my heart, I know that God is taking care of you, but my mind just runs and worries.  


I can't wait to meet you, Taylor.  I imagine that you have your dad's eyes and laugh and my curly blonde hair.  Until then, please keep an eye on your little sister or brother.  Know that I miss and love you more than words can express. I love you always little one!


Love, 
Mommy