11 Months

At 11 months, Kaitlyn:

• loves to crawl everywhere!  We've been trying to get her to take more steps, but she just drops to her knees. 
• will take 5-6 steps at a time.....IF she's sure she won't fall (can reach something).
• has 3 teeth.  One tooth on the top has poked through!
• is still our little eater!
• wears 18 month and 24 month/2T clothes.  
• is finding household items more interesting than toys.  Her favorite is a paintbrush and roller. 
• is constantly moving!  If she's still, she's sleeping!

Playing with cookie cutters

Daddy is ready for warm weather so they can go fishing!!!

LOVES the trim painting stuff!

Anniversary

It's been two years since that dreadful morning when I woke up in a panic and knew I was miscarrying.  That morning is forever burned into my memory.  We were in an ugly place.......a very ugly, dark place.

I was waiting to miscarry, but not ready to let go. That morning was as much of a physical challenge as it was an emotional one.  I remember that we primed our mudroom and kitchen that morning.  I also watched our two nieces and nephew that afternoon.  At the time, it seemed like a very good idea to keep busy and not think to much.  Looking back though, I wish we would have just taken it slow that day and mourned our loss.

I know that my hubby was tired of moping around and needed to keep his hands busy so that his mind wasn't.  I shouldn't have felt like I needed to act/behave a certain way.  I wish that I would have just allowed myself to be me for a while.

I know that for the rest of my life, I'll remember these anniversaries with feelings of grief. I know that I'm blessed to have been given the opportunity to carry my angel, even if it was for a short time. Even knowing that I'm blessed, I can't help but grieve.

"The only reason I know this pain is because I first knew the incredible love and joy that stole my heart the day I found out I was pregnant. I never have gotten my heart back, and the pain isn’t going away anytime soon."

Kaitlyn's 1st Christmas

I was able to see Christmas through the eyes of my baby girl this year.  Christmas is much more magical when you have a child!  Kaitlyn loved looking at the lights, pulling ornaments off of the tree, helping wrap presents, and helping mommy bake Christmas cookies!

The thing that she seemed to enjoy the most was pulling ornaments off of the tree.  Thank goodness we have plastic ornaments!  Everyday after we got home from work, we had to sit in front of the tree.  After we played for a while, she was content to go play with her toys, but always had to come back to the tree every so often and pull a few more off.

She's also learned to unwrap presents pretty well!  She got a lot of practice from the four different Christmas' we had!  We started the Christmas festivities at Grandma & Grandpa Smith's by opening presents.  Her eyes continued to get bigger with each present that was opened!  Next, we headed to Great-Grandma Smith's for Christmas Eve with all of mommy's aunts, uncles, and cousins.  She really enjoyed watching all the great-grandkids run around.

Christmas morning we had brunch at Grandma and Grandpa Smith's and looked through our stockings.  Next, we drove to Grandma and Grandpa Reineke's for lunch and presents.  By present time, Kaitlyn was a pro and ripped into her pile of gifts!  After a short nap, we headed home for our final Christmas.  Kaitlyn was pretty much done by then, so mommy and daddy opened her presents.

The next morning was filled with chaos as Kaitlyn saw all the toys!  She spent the next few days going from toy to toy to toy!

Our living room looked like a toy store exploded! 

10 Months

At ten months old, Kaitlyn:

·                     has mastered crawling.  I didn’t think she could get faster, but she sure has!  She’d much rather be on her hands and knees than attempt to walk.

·                     has taken her first steps!!!!   On Dec 23^rd, she took her first step towards her daddy!

·                     eats 3 meals a day and gets four 6-8 ounce bottles.  She’s still our little garbage disposal.  We haven’t been able to find anything that she won’t eat.

·                     still only has two teeth.  I can feel four teeth through her gums on the top, but nothing’s poked through yet.

·                     Pulls up on anything and everything she can get her hands on.

·                     is mostly wearing 18 month clothing with a few 24 month items mixed in.

·                     keeps busy all day long.  She doesn’t sit still for long and loves to go from toy to toy to toy.

·                     Laughs all the time.  She starts laughing to make you laugh….she’s such a happy baby!!!!

·                     Has learned a few new signs!  She’s mastered milk and eat, and has added drink and diaper to her list.  Mommy isn’t very good at signing for everything just yet, so we’ve just been working on a few basics. 

Spaghetti night!

Love those big blues!

 

Mohawk!!!!

Kaitlyn's 1st Thanksgiving

Kaitlyn celebrated her 1st Thanksgiving with her mom, dad, Grandma and Grandpa Smith, Uncle Travis, Uncle Nathan, Great Grandma Smith, and a few of mom's aunts and uncles.  Dinner was at Great-Aunt Ann's house in Spalding.

I'm pretty sure Kaitlyn was thinking that we should have Thanksgiving food everyday!  She inhaled stuffing, turkey, mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, cresent rolls, cranberry salad, and (of course) some pumpkin pie!  By the time she was done eating (Actually it was more that mom and dad cut her off. We're pretty sure she would have kept eating.) her tummy was SO full!

9 Months

I can’t believe 9 months have gone by already!  Kaitlyn has changed so much in the last month since she’s started crawling.

At nine months old, Kaitlyn:

• is crawling!  She is lighting fast! (No, I don’t want to think about how fast she’ll be when she masters walking)  It’s impossible to keep her still!  She’s got to be on the move constantly.
• eats 3 meals a day and gets four 6-8 ounce bottles.  The number of ounces depends on just how much she can suck down before she decides she has things to do!
• has a few favorite foods.  She’ll eat an entire banana by herself. She loves ham, crackers, and yogurt.  She still will eat anything, but definitely has favorites!
• still only has two teeth.  I've been waiting for the top two to poke through.
• LOVES to stand up!  She pulls up on everything she can get her hands on. 
• has started to get brave and will let go of things she’s pulled up on.  She can keep her balance for a few seconds before she plunks on the floor.
• is mostly wearing 18 month clothing with a few 12 month items mixed in.
• still loves to shake her head ‘no’. 
• torments the dog.  Since she’s moving now, she follows him everywhere he goes downstairs. I’m really surprised he hasn't taken to hiding out upstairs!
• is a little mess-maker at daycare.  Cathy says that all day, every day she empties the toy box again and again.  

Crossroads

For the past week, I've been STRESSED out!  I'm not talking a little bit.....I'm talking about not being able to sleep because of different scenarios running through my head, having panic attacks again ( haven't had one for the past 2 years), and being an emotional wreck!  

Our daycare provider has been diagnosed with breast cancer.  She is super positive and I'm 100% certain she'll fight her way through this. She's had many appointments and will be on chemo every other week once a day for the next four months.  What that boils down to is that Kaitlyn gets to spend a lot of time at work with me.  I've been reminded that this situation doesn't work that well.  I don't get a whole lot done, which leads to me bringing work home and working into the night and/or putting the 'important' things off until the next day when Kaitlyn isn't with me.   

Also I learned that Kaitlyn will not have daycare after June 10th.  Two of the moms with older kids from daycare are expecting and Cathy honors the family that was there first.  This wouldn't be a problem if Ord had enough daycare providers.  There have been two closings in the past year and everyone is full.  Some families have even had to hire nannies so that they can work.  

This brings me to my dilemma.  Should I open a daycare??  The thought has crossed my mind before all of this, even before we had Kaitlyn.  I haven't ever acted on this thought because we haven't had the money to sink into a new business.  At the moment though, I can't see that we have any other options.  We're not financially stable enough to lose my income at the moment.  I could bring Kaitlyn to work with me at the church, but there are a couple problems there.  The first is that I'd have to work late at night to get stuff done or come in on Saturdays.  That wouldn't really be a big problem.  The big problem is that Pastor Jeff is planning on not coming back next year.  He is ready to move to a different church.  This is a problem because the next pastor may not want/need me to work so many hours.  When I was hired on at the church, the job was 15-20 hours a week........not enough.  The other possibility is that the next pastor may not be as accepting of my child.  He/She may not think it is appropriate to bring Kaitlyn with me.  

Then the question of our 2nd child pops up.  We'd really like to add to our family soon.  Our plan is to have our 2nd next summer.  I can't handle two kids at work and get something done, and we can't find daycare for one kid.....how would we find it for two.?

This all leads me to believe that now is the right time to jump head first into a daycare.  I'm having doubts and reservations though! I love my job and my schedule.  I work 4 days a week from 9-5.  On Friday, I clean and get caught up on laundry so that we're able to enjoy our weekends.  That would be a thing of the past.  Daycare would be open from 7:30 am to 5:30 pm.  We'd have to make trips to the 'big city' for groceries and daycare supplies on Saturdays. It would changing our entire family dynamic.  I feel like we wouldn't have any time to have fun!  

Also, I'd have to be at daycare all the time.....no sick days, no doctor's appointments during the week, nothing.  Mitch would have to take off work if Kaitlyn was sick or had an appointment.  This is a major concern because he hasn't done any of that....I take care of everything.  He doesn't think it will be a problem, but I'm worried that instead of adding more things to our plate (mine and his collectively), I'll just be adding more things to my plate. I guess the part that really worries me is that Mitch won't step up to the challenges and changes.  

The last worry is money.  We're doing fine money wise, but we really don't have extra to put into a new business without digging in our savings.  We could do it, but it makes me nervous to do so....

On the plus side, I'd get to be with my kid(s) all day, make more money, and be my own boss.  

Sorry for ranting......Any advice?????