What a difference a year can make! I can't believe it's been a whole year since we got the horrible news that the ultrasound didn't reveal a heartbeat. This past year has been full of ups and downs and I'd like to think that in the past year, I've become more aware of myself.
My life has changed in so many ways. I now know what it is to love like a mother does. I know which friends are truly in my life and care. I know just how strong I am.
A year ago, I never would have imagined life as I now know it. I wouldn't have believed I could survive. I wouldn't have believed that it was possible to smile again or laugh. I wouldn't have thought that I would ever be pregnant again, for the fear of miscarrying again. It's amazing that I'm able to look back and finally see that this past year was all part of God's plan.
Even as I write it, it doesn't seem possible that I've come this realization! While I still don't understand why Taylor was taken from us, I do understand that I learned a lot from our experience. I know just how precious life is. Also, I think our experience made me realize just how much I want to have children.
While I'm able to reflect on the last year, don't mistake my positive thoughts for complete healing. I still have my bad days. Some days I'd much rather crawl in a hole than continue on. These bad days though are getting fewer and farther between. I can't imagine that there will ever come a day when I don't think of Taylor and imagine what might have been.
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