9 Months

I can’t believe 9 months have gone by already!  Kaitlyn has changed so much in the last month since she’s started crawling.

At nine months old, Kaitlyn:

• is crawling!  She is lighting fast! (No, I don’t want to think about how fast she’ll be when she masters walking)  It’s impossible to keep her still!  She’s got to be on the move constantly.
• eats 3 meals a day and gets four 6-8 ounce bottles.  The number of ounces depends on just how much she can suck down before she decides she has things to do!
• has a few favorite foods.  She’ll eat an entire banana by herself. She loves ham, crackers, and yogurt.  She still will eat anything, but definitely has favorites!
• still only has two teeth.  I've been waiting for the top two to poke through.
• LOVES to stand up!  She pulls up on everything she can get her hands on. 
• has started to get brave and will let go of things she’s pulled up on.  She can keep her balance for a few seconds before she plunks on the floor.
• is mostly wearing 18 month clothing with a few 12 month items mixed in.
• still loves to shake her head ‘no’. 
• torments the dog.  Since she’s moving now, she follows him everywhere he goes downstairs. I’m really surprised he hasn't taken to hiding out upstairs!
• is a little mess-maker at daycare.  Cathy says that all day, every day she empties the toy box again and again.  

Crossroads

For the past week, I've been STRESSED out!  I'm not talking a little bit.....I'm talking about not being able to sleep because of different scenarios running through my head, having panic attacks again ( haven't had one for the past 2 years), and being an emotional wreck!  

Our daycare provider has been diagnosed with breast cancer.  She is super positive and I'm 100% certain she'll fight her way through this. She's had many appointments and will be on chemo every other week once a day for the next four months.  What that boils down to is that Kaitlyn gets to spend a lot of time at work with me.  I've been reminded that this situation doesn't work that well.  I don't get a whole lot done, which leads to me bringing work home and working into the night and/or putting the 'important' things off until the next day when Kaitlyn isn't with me.   

Also I learned that Kaitlyn will not have daycare after June 10th.  Two of the moms with older kids from daycare are expecting and Cathy honors the family that was there first.  This wouldn't be a problem if Ord had enough daycare providers.  There have been two closings in the past year and everyone is full.  Some families have even had to hire nannies so that they can work.  

This brings me to my dilemma.  Should I open a daycare??  The thought has crossed my mind before all of this, even before we had Kaitlyn.  I haven't ever acted on this thought because we haven't had the money to sink into a new business.  At the moment though, I can't see that we have any other options.  We're not financially stable enough to lose my income at the moment.  I could bring Kaitlyn to work with me at the church, but there are a couple problems there.  The first is that I'd have to work late at night to get stuff done or come in on Saturdays.  That wouldn't really be a big problem.  The big problem is that Pastor Jeff is planning on not coming back next year.  He is ready to move to a different church.  This is a problem because the next pastor may not want/need me to work so many hours.  When I was hired on at the church, the job was 15-20 hours a week........not enough.  The other possibility is that the next pastor may not be as accepting of my child.  He/She may not think it is appropriate to bring Kaitlyn with me.  

Then the question of our 2nd child pops up.  We'd really like to add to our family soon.  Our plan is to have our 2nd next summer.  I can't handle two kids at work and get something done, and we can't find daycare for one kid.....how would we find it for two.?

This all leads me to believe that now is the right time to jump head first into a daycare.  I'm having doubts and reservations though! I love my job and my schedule.  I work 4 days a week from 9-5.  On Friday, I clean and get caught up on laundry so that we're able to enjoy our weekends.  That would be a thing of the past.  Daycare would be open from 7:30 am to 5:30 pm.  We'd have to make trips to the 'big city' for groceries and daycare supplies on Saturdays. It would changing our entire family dynamic.  I feel like we wouldn't have any time to have fun!  

Also, I'd have to be at daycare all the time.....no sick days, no doctor's appointments during the week, nothing.  Mitch would have to take off work if Kaitlyn was sick or had an appointment.  This is a major concern because he hasn't done any of that....I take care of everything.  He doesn't think it will be a problem, but I'm worried that instead of adding more things to our plate (mine and his collectively), I'll just be adding more things to my plate. I guess the part that really worries me is that Mitch won't step up to the challenges and changes.  

The last worry is money.  We're doing fine money wise, but we really don't have extra to put into a new business without digging in our savings.  We could do it, but it makes me nervous to do so....

On the plus side, I'd get to be with my kid(s) all day, make more money, and be my own boss.  

Sorry for ranting......Any advice?????

1st Halloween

For Kaitlyn's first Halloween, she dressed up as a ladybug!!

Also, she finger painted pumpkins!

8 Months!

At eight months, Kaitlyn:

• ·        eats three meals a day and gets four 7ounce bottles a day.  She also gets a sippy cup of water or juice during meals.
• ·         has two bottom teeth that are razor sharp!
• ·         loves to feed herself.  She’s really good at it and wants her food to be ‘finger’ food.
• ·         is not crawling yet, but seems really close!  She’ll pull herself around with her arms or rolls to get where she wants.
• ·         has started to pull herself up to her knees.  She’ll grab the couch, the dog, anything to ‘kneel up’. 
• ·         She also pulls herself up to stand!  She’s been doing it more these past few days.
• ·         is still in mostly 12 month clothing with some 18 month stuff mixed in.  The constant growth spurt has slowed down!!
• ·         has mastered clapping and shaking her head no.  When she shakes her head no in the right context, it’s hard not to bust out laughing! 
• ·         loves being in the big kid room at daycare.  She gets to play with all the kids and all the toys!

It’s amazing how fast she changes……I swear she catches on to something new daily!

Playing with leaves at the park.

Kneeling

Stir-fry!

My BF experience.....Part 1

I'll start this by saying......Breastfeeding is hard!!!  My adventure started out well.  I attended the breastfeeding class at the hospital, got all of the information I needed, got my questions answered, and was feeling pretty good about breastfeeding.

Kaitlyn was born and immediately knew what to do.  Our lactation consultant came in to observe on our second and third days at the hospital and proclaimed that she hadn't seen a baby with a more perfect latch.  I was sore, but chalked it up to getting used to having a little piranha latched on to my chest. When our pediatrician came in to do his assessments, Kaitlyn was always feeding.  Dr. Gasseling just did his assessments while she was eating.

We were dismissed from the hospital and headed home.  The next few days went well.  For the first week, it felt like all I got done was feeding Kaitlyn and sleeping.  She wanted fed every two hours.......on the dot.  Nursing took about 25 minutes a side so by the time she was done feeding and I changed her diaper, I had an hour before we started the process over again.  When Kaitlyn was about 3 days old, I noticed my chest was getting more painful, was bleeding and scabbed over, had a torn nipple, and no amount of nipple cream or soothing pads would help.  Each time she latched on, my breath would catch and tears would spring to my eyes.  I knew something wasn't right, but just assumed it was something I was doing wrong.  I kept reading my breastfeeding book from class, thinking I wasn't getting her to latch on right

My chest got more tender and more sore.  I just chalked it up to getting used to nursing.  During my classes, they emphasized that nursing shouldn't hurt....there should just be 'pressure'.  When we took Kaitlyn to her one week appointment, she had gained weight (right back up to her birth weight) and was doing great!!  The doctor asked how breastfeeding was going and (stupidly) answered 'okay'.  I didn't want to admit that I was a failure.

Since we were in Kearney already, I thought it would be a good idea to stop by the hospital and talk to the lactation consultant to see what I was doing wrong.  I wasn't able to get in contact with them as they were both out of the office, but left a message for them to call me.  We headed home.  I got a call later that evening from the lactation consultant and was able to talk through it with her for a bit.  She suggested giving my chest a break and pumping.  She also reminded me that they offered a weekly support group on Tuesdays (the next day).

After I got off the phone with her, I went upstairs to grab my pump.  I remember thinking, "I really don't want to pump.  I'd rather just feed her, but I'll try it."  I'm pretty sure a man invented the breast pump......It was the most horrible thing.  My father is a dairy producer, so I was able to relate to those cows.......I'd much rather feed my baby directly  EXCEPT for the fact that it didn't hurt as much as Kaitlyn nursing.

Because Mitch had to go back to work on Tuesday, my mom came to stay with us on Tuesday.  She didn't know what kind of hormonal mess she was walking into.  After a week of nursing that wasn't going well, I was a mess.  I continued to pump for every other feeding, alternating with nursing.  On Tuesday afternoon, I fell into bed and wept.......I didn't know what to do or what I was doing wrong.  Should I just call it quits??  I couldn't.  Everyone had stressed the importance of breastfeeding.  Giving my daughter formula would feel like I failed her.....Like I didn't love her enough to deal with a little pain.  Why couldn't I do this?!?!?

Knowing I couldn't fall asleep, I walked back downstairs and announce to mom that we needed to go to Kearney.  She panicked.  I'm sure the image of her daughter in tears and clearly distressed got her to think the absolute worst.  Seeing the panic on her face made me quickly explain my reasoning.  I needed to go to that support group!

I called Mitch and my emotions ran high again.  I was bawling, still feeling like a complete failure, and told him my plan to go to Kearney....He too thought that something was gravely wrong.  I'm pretty sure he was in his pickup within the first minute of talking to him, but I calmed down enough to tell him why.

After deciding to go to Kearney, I was calmly at peace. I knew that they would be able to help me.

Seven Months

At seven months, Kaitlyn:

• has one tooth and the second bottom tooth is trying to poke through.
• is eating 3 meals a day and gets five six ounce bottles.We quit nursing a week after she hit 6 months.
• has gotten better at feeding herself....she can now grab things with her fingers instead of her whole hand.
• is wearing 12 month clothing with a few 18 month items mixed in.  She's a tall, skinny girl!
• still babbles.....she's been stuck on D for the last week and her daddy is LOVING it!
• goes from sitting to her belly and back to sitting.
• is figuring out how to army crawl.
• hasn't started to crawl yet.......she gets on her knees but doesn't seem to want to go anywhere that way.....rolling is faster.
• LOVES Buster, our dog! Also he's decided that she's not so bad.....She'll pet him and share her supper.  
• with the help of mom or dad, will chase Buster....squealing the entire time!  Poor dog is going to have to hide!

I'm not quite sure when my baby turned into an independent little girl, but it's happened!  She'd much rather do things herself and actually will squeal or grunt when either of us step in to help!

She loves to swing!

Her first 4-wheeler ride....Grandpa Smith was happy!!!

Just playin'.

Just in case I didn't remember......

When I was pregnant with Taylor, I signed up at all the baby websites to get weekly pregnancy updates.  After my miscarriage, I painfully unsubscribed from all of these.....or so I thought. This morning I received an update on my 14 month old.  It doesn't seem like it's been that long since all of the heartache.  How could I have lost him a year and eight months ago already?!?

Then I couldn't help but think of what would be......Taylor would be running around now.  And his name wouldn't be Taylor.....we had decided on a boy name from day 1.  I would be trying to keep up with a growing boy.  Learning about tractors and trucks, frogs and snakes, walking into a boy's room.  He would be talking and his first word would have been dada......

Just when it seems like I've got my emotions figured out and I'm okay, something seems to blindside me.

I miss you everyday Taylor....not a day goes by that mommy doesn't think about you.  Know that I love you always.