Nursery Musings

Dear Taylor,

This past weekend, I finally decided that I needed to get something done with the nursery.  I had been putting it off because I was scared.  Scared that I would lose your little sister just like I lost you.  I really didn't want to lose her and come home to a decorated nursery.  In someway, I let myself think that if I didn't paint the nursery, I wouldn't be so attached........ Definitely not true! So on Thursday, I decided that the ugly office that should have been painted for you really needed to be painted for your little sister.  I worked on it for the last few days and I'm glad to say it's done!

I started painting and after about 5 minutes, I was absolutely enraged.  Like, shaking.  I don't know that I've been that mad for a very long time.  I was mad that I was having to do this. We should have painted your room a long time ago and you should be in there, not in heaven. Then I found myself in tears thinking about what would have been............You would have been right around the 3 month mark today.

Then I reminded myself that what would have been and what are aren't the same thing, even though I wish they were.  No matter how much hoping I do, it won't change the outcome.  Know that I love you and miss you very much and keep watching over your little sister!

Love always,

Mom